A City Kid’s Survival Guide to Camping
Going camping? You couldn’t have picked a better time. Society will collapse any minute now, so you might as well be in the woods already. Prepare yourself for the imminent disaster that is the great outdoors with these battery-powered gadgets and other glamping essentials.
Some people are born for the great outdoors. Other people require the comforts of civilized life at all times – I fall into this category. Regardless, we all know that disaster is imminent, and even if the zombie apocalypse doesn’t happen, or the your worst horror film fantasies don’t realize, chances are something terrible will happen and the awful friends who thought camping was a good idea will have forgotten to bring the essentials. Call it being prepared, or if you’re trying to be positive, call it “glamping on a budget” but either way, enjoy my expert advice on how to survive the wild, a.k.a. not kill yourself out of boredom and misery.
Foldable Tent Broom If you are sleeping in a tent for just a night (and if shit hits the fan, potentially for the rest of the foreseeable future), you know some jackass is gonna bring some dirt into your new home. Fend off crumbs and leaves with this compact tent broom. Can potentially also be used as a weapon to fend off other things, like said jackass stealing your food or like … a timid bear?
LED Light & Tent Fan You will probably have to carry your own stuff, so combination items are key. Cop this Light & Fan to remain as comfortable as possible in the pile of nylon garbage that is now your dwelling.
Batteries Every shape, every size, carry a bunch of them. Note: you can make a shotgun out of batteries, aerosol, and beverage cans, but figure that out on your own damn time. Test it on the undead and make sure you share your success stories with me.
Solar Powered Bluetooth Speaker You may need to bust a move to fight boredom, or you may need a sick fight-or-flight soundtrack, so make sure your music is covered with a Bluetooth speaker. Bonus: this one is solar powered, and assuming the machines don’t block out the sun (thanks for that horrible idea, MATRIX WRITERS) you will be able to also charge your phone with this baby.
What comes in every shape, size, and at every price point, and is something you actually 100% need no matter what? A water purifier, of course. Imagine surviving an epic showdown, only to take a victory swig of H2O to DIE at the hands of microscopic bacteria trash?! Not in this lifetime, my friends. Swig away, and swig hard. You deserve the liquid of life.
Dry Shampoo Just because you’re roughing it, that doesn’t mean you have to look gross. INVEST IN A GOOD DRY SHAMPOO. You will not regret this. Bonus: buy aerosol to later weaponize the can. I am telling you, be ready for a showdown at all times.
Sleeping Bear Who needs foliage camouflage when you could literally be a bear? This also looks comfortable as hell, and who knows, maybe you’ll find solace in pretending to be a cute and cuddly predator. Bonus: Jabba The Hutt, because this is your fantasy world, and also … LOL!