• The Fling Issue

    Cuffed By Chlamydia

    The Fling Issue

    I met my boyfriend through a right swipe on Tinder. Seven months later, we moved in together. I am now 22 years old and have a new existential crisis every week.


    bbmilf666 _ is an online moniker for a shit bitch that professionally stalks bands as some sort of income. She’s a young sensitive female and she’s learning about growing up while living with her first ever boyfriend. It’s something like when Avril said he was a punk, she did ballet except they live in bk, he’s into noise and she does clubs.


    Photo by Sarina.

    Milfstential Crises

    Cuffed By Chlamydia

    In some dark, fucked-up way, my boyfriend and I fell in love after I gave him an STD.

    Just the other day as I was having a girls night with my bad bitches, one of them told us about her new relationship and how everything was hot and heavy. The boy suggested that they should get tested together since they are committed, but she expressed fear and made plans to go stop by the clinic alone. This reminded me of a similar story, the story of how I cuffed Blade.

    My relationship started from a right swipe on Tinder. We went on a few of dates and immediately became inseparable. After just a couple of weeks, we were sleeping with each other without protection. I understand that that was poor judgement – and it came with consequences. A few days after Blade and I were sexually active, I had an appointment at the free clinic on Manhattan Ave for the usual three month check up aka a restock of more birth control. The usual series of questions were asked: “Have you been sexually active since your last visit? How many partners did you have?” I rounded down on the numbers. They checked my urine and took a blood test. I left with a new bag of birth control and made plans with Blade that night. 

    We kept seeing each other every day until one morning, when I received a call back from the clinic as Blade was still asleep next to me. I panicked and went home immediately. Blade had no idea. We didn’t see each other for a week. When my appointment came, my doctor informed me that everything was fine except the tests came back positive for an STD called Chlamydia. I was so relieved because Chlamydia is like the common cold of STDs. They gave me two packs of antibiotics – one for me, one for my partner. As I rushed out of the clinic, clutching these life pills in my hand, my best friend and I went through a checklist of guys. At the top of the list was Blade. She knew I was already attached to Blade so she suggested to ghost on him, you know, to avoid any hard feelings if he took the antibiotics and considered me a sus girl forever. On the subway, I took the antibiotics and, as soon as I received a signal, texted Blade.

    I dropped the bag of meds off at his house and we took the train to Chinatown together in silence. When he got off one stop before me, we awkwardly hugged goodbye. I thought about him never contacting me again and that brought a sharp pain to my stomach. Anyway, that night I ended up at a listening party for a new artist that my friend was promoting. It felt appropriate since the record was titled Soft and the combination of antibiotics and the departure from Blade made me extremely emotional. I drank two glasses of wine. Later that night, he texted that he’s still down. Sick.

    Every now and then, I think about whether giving him an STD and providing life pills to him contributed in some dark, fucked-up way to how we fell in love, but our love is currently ten months strong. If you’re in a new relationship and ever wondered whether this might happen to you, here is a list of easy, breezy, beautiful facts about Chlamydia. Thanks Internet!

    • Chlamydia is one of the most common STDs.
    • The highest rates of infection are 15-19 year olds.
    • You can get treated from oral antibiotics like doxycycline, tetracycline, and zithromax. 
    • Once you’re on the antibiotics, you have to refrain sex until it’s cleared which usually takes 7-10 days.
    • Men rarely have symptoms but for woman, it sometimes feels like an UTI.
    • Chlamydia is a “silent” disease so remember to get yourself tested regularly y’all.
    • Condoms protect you against Chlamydia, so always put a wrap on it.

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